Friday, October 24, 2008

A Short Trip to The Black Hole

(I have been pondering. If you have TIME to read this LONG entry, you are welcome. If not, go on your merry way now. Here is a peek into what floats through my brain ... )

So. I feel better. Not just my throat (it was not strep) but my mental health.

I speak pretty freely about my past bouts with Depression (I speak pretty freely about everything, except confidential things about my clients and secrets I keep for people - I can hear some of you agreeing with me here. And, you do not need to say who you are or what the secret is. I never will. Bank on it.).

I do not call it "my Depression" any more, because I refuse to own it. It is free to LEAVE and NEVER EVER return. It is not mine. :-) (I did this same approach with the past bouts with trigeminal neuralgia - oh that is a fancy pants name for EXTREME facial pain caused by the fifth cranial nerve - supposedly the worst pain known to humankind - that there is no cure for ... and I have not had a visit from that EVIL ONE for a long, long time now. Shhhhhhh ...let's not wake the sleeping giant. Tip-toe away with me now.)

But, I digress (what else is new??).

Some people are uncomfortable speaking about mental health. Why??? We go to our regular doctors without shame. We visit the dentist. We see the OB/GYN. We get all kinds of surgeries and even do PT. Why not take care of our mental health without shame?? I am a HUGE advocate for things I am passionate about. Healthwise, that includes taking care of reproductive health and mental health.

Did I digress again? Shame on me.

So. There must be some medical explanation for why I tend to feel Depression when I am physically ill. Maybe it is the extended period of "down time" in a normally active and energetic person? Maybe it is all the time spent at home, healing (not leaving the house has been linked with Depression in my past). Maybe it is all the sleeping that I do when on the mend to restored physical health? (Sleeping too much is THE #1 symptom of my past experiences with Depression. As you all may know by now, I do not normally sleep a lot. And, I have a very high function level with a very low sleep level.)

The past few days I have had my really horrible fall leaf allergic reaction thing (that is a medical term). During this down time for my physical body, my mind has been playing ... Maybe I will not live long enough to see my children grow up? Maybe I will become financially destitute and homeless? What is that pain? Is it something medically serious? Maybe I will die? Maybe I should change careers? "They" say that real estate is really bad BAD B-A-D right now. What in the HECK else would I do for income?? Seriously. What? If you know - email me. LOL! Or leave a Comment.

My brain played around in the old and familiar Black Hole. Thankfully, for a very short time!

Then, this evening I cooked a big pot of hearty soup. I ran the dishwasher. Twice. I did a couple of loads of laundry. I started decorating for Halloween with my 3 fun and active daughters. And, it occured to me ... I was feeling BETTER!

My mind followed the lead of my body and IT began to function better, as well. I am still young! I will be 50 in December. That is not old! I am healthy (normally). I do not believe my death is pending any time soon. I have hundreds of clients whom I have served well in the past and who like me - even some who actually love me! I will sell more real estate! Things are FAR better here than in other areas of the country! I will live to see my kids grow and have kids of their own. Financial abundance ebbs and flows. As does the size of one's thighs. I hereby advise you -- don't get too attached to the current state of either one (size of bank account or size of thighs) because --it will change!

Love the skin you are in.

Be happy with today and work toward a better tomorrow.

Treat and beat feet.

Pray and take action.

Keep on keepin' on! :-)

Take a breath, Holly.

Who are your safety nets? If you need a tire changed, who do you call? If you need a loan, who can you count on? If you parented your kids in a less than lovely way, who can you tell? If you are tired and need a laugh, who do you contact? If you need to change something you have commited to, who could fill in for you? If you have too much work, who can be trusted to lighten your load? I was pondering all of this as I cooked dinner and got all that other Home Care stuff cranked up again.

All the recent events surrounding us (financial stress, stock market, bail outs, lay offs, mortgage rates, failed banks. mergers, ARM mortgage adjustments, presidential campaign lies and attempts at fear and blame, and so many more) make us NEED our safety nets all the more.

Get yours in place. And, don't forget to list YOURSELF as your safety net!

It brings to mind a line from the movie "Nim's Island" (I love that movie, BTW!) that says, "Be the hero of your own life."

If there is anything GOOD to be had from current times (I believe there is a LOT of good!) I think it will include a lessening of this crazy Mommy Competition that young moms have these days. It is nuts. Who can be thinnest? Have the biggest SUV? The biggest (most expensive) house? The most mortgage debt? The whitest teeth? Volunteer the most till they are in tears? Never say "NO!" ? The kids with the latest gadgets, sports gear and birthday party? The right school for their kids? Enough trips to the gym? And, more and MORE and M-O-R-E.

Maybe times will force ... less. Less. Stop. Enough. Take a breath. You are PERFECT -- in this moment. THIS very moment. Believe it! You are enough - without all the stuff!

There are many of you reading this right now who are my safety nets in so many ways - big and small. You know who you are. I thank you. I truly TRULY thank you. You save me. You support me. You get me to the other side. You dry my wings till I can fly on my own again.

I watched that crazy Flying Walenda Guy (I am sure he would love me saying that) the other day as he walked across a tightrope and rode a bicycle back something like 12 stories up in the air WITHOUT A NET. I don't get it. Where is the shame in having a net in place??

So. You -- yes, YOU ... if I can ever be a safety net to you, please let me be. Show up with your real self. It is fine. You are welcome. Here is a net ...

(Oh. That brings to mind a funny memory. The first time we attended our church, they were in the midst of a sermon series called "Gone Fishin' " and the minister was preaching in fishing gear! She cracked me UP! At one point in her talk, she called for "a net" and a woman came rushing up to the pulpit. Everyone laughed! And, I learned that the woman's name was ANNETTE. LOL!!! Snort. For some reason, I recall that moment over and over and over with great delight each time. That was when I knew for sure I had found the perfect spiritual home for myself and my family.)

Humor is so healing and healthful. If that is not spiritual, and "of God" I do not know what is.

So, now you have invested all this time and read clear to ----->> here.

I hope it was worth it! LOL! :-)

Love to all.
(I say that a lot. I was pondering THAT, too. I say it to people I truly do love and I also say it to people who I don't even know. The former get my Love and the latter get my wish that Love visits them. Does that make sense? I am such a weirdo. I once sent a fax to my OB/GYN and signed it "Love, Holly" many years ago. But, I do love that OB/GYN. Without him, I would not have my 3 lovely and perfect ADOPTED daughters. That is another story for another blog post.)

I could fill a book.

Or, at least a blog.

Nighty night. And, thanks for being there.

1 comment:

nanchang said...

Well, Holly, even though we have not met, you have been my safety net over and over again. You have filled in the void of good sound advice that I miss from my little sister and let me blow off steam and regroup and try again.

Depression is a sneaky thing and catches me every time I am weak it seems. Whether it is from illness (I hate being sick as it surely will lead to some depression.) or lack of sleep (I wish I could function well without any!) or too much going on. I feel I have to be aware of my feelings regularly so it doesn't sneak back in.

Thank you for being there when I needed you. You have provided the net that I needed to get through so much.